


Lying, Cheating S.O.B.

by bobostxrk



Series: U-Turn [1]
Category: Captain America - All Media Types, Captain Marvel (Marvel Comics), Iron Man (Movies), The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Alcoholic Tony Stark, Alcoholics Anonymous, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst, Awesome Carol Danvers, BAMF James "Rhodey" Rhodes, Carol Danvers & Tony Stark Friendship, Cheating, College Student Peter Parker, F/M, Heartbreak, Implied Mpreg, Implied/Referenced Abuse, M/M, Marriage, Minor Carol Danvers/James "Rhodey" Rhodes, Post-Serum Steve Rogers, Tony Angst, Tony Feels, Tony Stark Has A Heart, Tony Stark Needs a Hug, Tony-centric
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-12-07
Updated: 2020-01-09
Packaged: 2021-02-26 02:00:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 8
Words: 18,768
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21705610
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bobostxrk/pseuds/bobostxrk
Summary: Tony Stark and Steve Rogers seem to be happily married. Their son, Peter Parker is off to MIT, following in Tony's footsteps.Things between Steve and Tony start becoming cold. And all of Tony's efforts are failing. And then he finds out why.
Relationships: Brunnhilde | Valkyrie & Carol Danvers, Brunnhilde | Valkyrie & Tony Stark, Carol Danvers & Tony Stark, Carol Danvers/James "Rhodey" Rhodes, James "Bucky" Barnes/Steve Rogers, James "Rhodey" Rhodes & Tony Stark, Natasha Romanov & Tony Stark, Pepper Potts & Natasha Romanov, Pepper Potts & Tony Stark, Peter Parker & Steve Rogers, Peter Parker & Steve Rogers & Tony Stark, Peter Parker & Tony Stark, Steve Rogers & Natasha Romanov, Steve Rogers/Tony Stark
Series: U-Turn [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1564468
Comments: 136
Kudos: 245





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Explicit cheating and instances of cheating. Point of view is third person.  
> This is a non-powered AU.  
> This story might be heavy on angst and I don't know if I'll give it a happy ending.  
> Stark Industries still exists but Tony relinquishes power to Pepper and takes a backseat and focuses more on R&D.  
> Steve works for a national security sub-division of the FBI i.e SHIELD.  
> Peter still goes to Midtown High. Details of his life will be explored further.
> 
> This is my LEGIT FIRST fic and I'm feeling EXTREMELY ANGSTY so please bear with me :'(
> 
> I suck at titles.
> 
> Tags will be updated as the story progresses.
> 
> Work hasn't been beta'd. So please point out any mistakes/references I've messed up. Thank you!

Loud footsteps can be heard. Well actually, more like thundering footfalls, marked by rage and a hint of sorrow.

Tony storms into the room, angrily and throws open the large oak doors of the cupboard, revealing a large assortment of neatly folded racks of clothes.

_I've had enough._

He drags a large suitcase from the lower racks and throws it on the bed, beginning to unzip it throughout its length and tosses the flap open into the empty cuboid.  
He lifts out racks of his clothes from the cupboard and haphazardly tucks it in. He grabs a few more handfuls - his t-shirts, his pants, the dress shirts he owns, his underwear and his tank tops all thrown in one pile. He smooths down the fabric lump and tucks and squeezes and fits as much as he can into the carriage before he throws open another one and tosses the remaining clothes in it, similarly.  
There's still space left, so Tony grabs whatever is his in the drawers and cabinets, scanning pin-pointedly, aiming to leave no trace of him at all. His watches, his box of souvenirs he's saved over the years, the grand collection of novels his mother got him when he was 15, his comics, his perfumes, everything. Every single thing Tony owns is scanned by him and placed into the bag. Even his toothbrush accompanies the baggage, despite still dripping wet.

He grabs the remainder of his items and shoves it in a duffel, and triple checks if he's got everything he needs. He grabs his keys from the hook and checks his pockets for his phone, his wallet, his cards, yep, well I'm done.

_I'm fucking done._

He glances at his finger and looks at the shimmering platinum band poised on his finger, a remainder of his vows, his fidelity. He admonishes it with a huff and yanks it off his finger, tearing some skin in the process which elicits a hiss from his lips, as he jerks his hand to soothe the burn. 

_Stubborn thing doesn't want to go even now. When everything has crashed and burned._

He looks at the band one more time and anger flares up in his chest. He wants to burn this goddamn thing and let it perish as he watches. Watches the flames burn fierce and cruel, singing the craphold this thing had on him, which was ineffective on the person who put it on him.   
Tony draws in a sharp breath and draws his hand back to toss this ring against the glass but, he stops midway. He heaves a sigh and ends up placing it on the surface of the table drawers, smack dab in the middle.

He looks around this false life he had built with another, with contempt and disgust. He grabs the two bags after slinging the duffel on his shoulder and drags them out to the front door, unapologetically knocking a few things over on the way.

As soon as he reaches the door, something stops him. Freezes him like a Greek sculpture.   
He can't leave so unceremoniously, without explanation or reason. Guilt rises within him as he thinks he's just walking out but the rage reminds him this is far too easy of a punishment for the other man's actions. Hell it's not even punishment to be honest.

Still, Tony cannot hurt him, never could he do that. Neither physically nor emotionally. It's unsettling watching someone do that to another and have no sense of empathy or even remorse of the undue hurtful consequences of their actions towards the other person's feelings and emotions. 

_Like a machine._

That didn't stop others from doing so to Tony as they carelessly just used him and left. He bore it patiently, never wanting to seek answers or retribution, just simply accepting that it was how they were or that he was of no use beyond that. He was simply meant to be a utilitarian commodity for the needs and wants of others and for the occasional blue moon pleasure of one man.

Well, he's getting it from somewhere else now, isn't he? That slimy bastard. And his fucking whore.

It hurt him. Every time it happened, it hurt him, like a knife stab or a sinking feeling in his belly, leaving a deep chasm behind in his chest that seemed to be never ending. It was probably of magnificent proportions by now, growing still and threatening to consume him one day because he was too foolish to assert his own needs for once. He was too stupid to stand up for himself.   
It's the second time he's found out. The first time drove Tony into shock as he saw his husband's black SUV parked out of the suburb house when he heard loud whimpering noises arise from within, their very ring, abusive and tantalising. Well, they were shameless as hell to be making noises in the bright of day, having no concern for their neighbours at least.  
He just couldn't believe it, he was dazed into a stupor while his mind vehemently denied that his marriage is no longer sanguine. He remembers furious tears escaping his eyes, his stomach churning and making him hurl on the grass outside untill he fell to his knees and clutched the pavement.

He remembers the entire three weeks when he fell apart, the pungent odour of whiskey emanating from him and the taste of tobacco coating his insides, all while his beloved was on a "business trip". Tony couldn't even process the information and he suppressed it as long as he could, willing himself to stay only for Peter. Untill Peter goes off to college. Yes, he could make that sacrifice for his child and his well-being. He had to; Peter was the BIGGEST blessing Tony has ever begotten and he knew he'd push through this for his sake.

He remembers Steve coming home one night and making love to him, claiming he missed him _so dearly._

_Every kiss a lie._

_Every word a stab in his back._

_Every move was a hit to him and his very soul._

He remembers him just climaxing in him and leaving to go clean himself up. No kiss, no words, nothing. Just a sigh aimed at his nose, the hot breath infuriating him, reminding him that another is also the receiver of these notions.  
He remembers him coming back that night with a washcloth, carelessly wiping Tony off and throwing a blanket over them as he turned his back to Tony, dropping off to sleep instantly.

_Bastard was thinking of the other person while he came in me, Tony thought._

_Fucking bastard._

After that, the sweet caresses, the loving gestures and the passionate love-making came to a halt. Steve always claimed he was going on business trips and late night conference meetings and he came home well past midnight every time, cheeky cunt that he was.

Their communication dropped drastically and so did the time they spent together. They never got much time together, their work life playing the major factor and when they did get time, Tony remembers snuggling up against Steve, the pair wrapped in warm blankets, watching TV as Peter watched in somewhat light disgust and minor adoration.

All of that stopped.

Tony noticed Steve drifting away slowly and tried to make amends, to fix this quietly, thinking the fault was within himself. He tried everything he could. Planning romantic dinners at home, pampering Steve with gifts and coupons and tickets to a four-day getaway in the Bahamas, tried to spice things up in the bedroom - all to no avail. Steve favoured his excuses saying he was not hungry, he couldn't get holidays from work and closing his eyes during sex, barely touching Tony even as Tony used to place both of his hands right on Steve's chest, his right hand always feeling the thudding pump of his heart, as he kept thrusting in him like he just wanted to be done with this, beckoning him to let him back inside so that he could fix whatever was wrong. He was terrified of confronting Steve, thinking that he would leave him and Peter, finally breaking everything off, not wanting to live this lie anymore.

Two years went by as none of Tony's replenished efforts bore fruit. 

Peter got accepted into MIT, which made Tony so goddamn proud that he bought him his own car after years of using Tony's old one. He remembers Steve too showering all his love and congratulations onto their son. 

_At least, he doesn't detest our kid._

Months later, Peter left for college and Tony couldn't take the blatant ignoring and side-stepping Steve did. He started spending more time away from home, putting forth heavier schedules and a greater workload in his defense.

Tony just couldn't take it anymore and he stopped trying as well, deeming that he'd put in effort as well if he fucking wanted to. He remembers crying silently in their bed as he curled in on himself, clutching his knees close to his chest, letting out aching sobs that wracked through his body untill he slept, cry-hiccuping.

Today, he decided to go out on a long walk, having got the Saturday off. Steve wasn't at home as usual and Tony didn't want to disturb Rhodey or Pepper, thinking they'd be busy.

Five blocks later, Tony saw the car again, parked in the same driveway. He glanced up at the same familiar duplex house. 

Anger coursed through him like magma and when Tony took a round of the house, he caught sight of the horror through the unshaded window.

_He saw his Steve making love to another person._

The other man's hand was clutched tight at Steve's shoulders, the left being a prosthetic metal one which looked rather brilliantly crafted as his waist was pressed flush to Steve's naked chest. His head was thrown back and his mouth was agape, long strands of hair falling from his skull. The blonde was peppering the other man's chest with kisses, his tongue flicking over a nipple as his hands were clasped tightly at the small of the other man's back. 

Bile rose up in Tony's throat as he threatened to hurl again right in front of them and it took him a while to calm himself down and back up a few steps. Tony's legs turned to jelly as he slid down the wall of the house and leaned against it, right below that ghastly window which held all the evidence he denied so intensely for the past two and a half years.

Tony closed his eyes and cried again. He choked back his sobs and bit his tongue from whimpering. He must've been there for what felt like hours untill he slowly got to his feet and started jogging. The jogging slowly evolved pace and he was running and then he was sprinting to his house, determinedly all the while more tears crawled down his cheeks and snot clogged his nose, as he fought to breathe through his nostrils and settled to do so via his mouth.

By the time, he reached his house, he was gasping and panting as he hunched forward and landed his palms on his knees for support. Drops of liquid fell from his body onto the pavement below and he couldn't wonder whether it was tears or sweat or snot.

_It's all true. My worst fears have finally come true._

God knows how long this had been happening and he's never confronted Steve. He knows what answers he'll get and he knows why Steve is even staying. It was for Peter's sake, it was the only reason holding this marriage together. This farce of a life they've built as couple was held by the presence of their only child and that was why they stayed. Tony wondered why Steve didn't just divorce him after Peter left, the only obstacle in his path gone. He wondered if all those business trips, he was just staying in that other man's house, snatching away all and any rights Tony had as his other half. Despite all that, Tony tried so hard only to face rejection at every step. He will never be enough for anyone. His father was right at constantly reminding him that it was a fact and now, now he had proof of it. Every insult, every lie, every heartbreak weighed down on Tony now as he just stood there, ruminating on his pitiful, pathetic life. 

_Yet, I lived through that, didn't I?_

He did and he is living through that. He always will. He's Tony Stark. Pain and rejection have been a companion in his journey, right from the start.  
He wonders why he stopped. He can't pinpoint the reason or even justify the notion. A gnawing grief grows in his chest, soon morphing into an ache of sorts which he cannot define. Maybe it's his affection for Steve or maybe it's his own foolishness, beckoning him to offer another chance at rekindling the lost aembers of their love as testament to their journey of so long.

To reconcile.

To rebuild.

He's partially terrified that the other man or Steve saw him. He's not going to face Steve and give him the fucking benefit of watching him break down and collapse on the floor. He's definitely not going to give that lousy, worthless bastard the benefit of that. Not in this lifetime or the next. If Steve's almost home, then he can walk out on him and perhaps even run him over. His heart aches at that because not in a million lifetimes could he ever muster the strength or the goddamn will to ever hurt Steve and look into his watery blues and feel his soul crumble at his puppy face. He can't and he never will. That's why he's leaving without a single trace of his existence in this house.

He casts all his thoughts to hell and steps to the door, unlocking the latches with multiple sharp clicks as he drags out his luggage onto the porch and locks the door, turning the key twice and hearing the loud clicks and bangs and turns of knobs or cogs.

_I'm finally done. I'm done._

He presses the remote key of the car and hears it beep and the locks open. He presses another key, prompting the boot to open as the door slowly rises up revealing the fuzz of the boot carpet.  
He places his bags into the space and slams the door loud, as it resonates within the fibres of his being, which strange enough, elicits a smile from him, no matter how small or mild.

I'm so close. I'm this close to finishing this.

He pulls the door handle and climbs into the driver's seat, readjusting the height and the rearview mirrors before revving the vehicle to life. His hands smooth over the steering wheel as the leather turns cold under his fingertips. With one last sigh, he releases the clutch, along with his inhibitions, and drives out onto the road.

At the next stoplight, Tony grabs out his phone to shoot a text.

"I'm finally done platypus. I'm leaving him."

He tosses the phone into the cup holder and stretches back in his seat, before he hears a buzz from the holder.

He glances at the notification:

"I'll call Pepper. And I'm bringing fifty cases of booze. Do I have to bring out my gun? You know I'm still licensed to use it."

Tony smirks in response and revvs the car to life again before heading off to Rhodes Manor. 


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tony finds comfort in Rhodey, who gives him a bit to think about.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Direct continuation of chapter 1. 
> 
> It's a short chapter, ahahah!

He takes a final right turn and brings the car to a halt, turning off the ignition, setting the gear stick to neutral and yanks the handbrake. He slowly releases his hold on the clutch and brake pedals, setting his feet in the gap between them.

I did it. I finally fucking did it.

The weight of Tony's actions finally hit him like a bullet train. He rubs the balls of his palm into his wet, aching eyes and licks his lips. He grips the steering wheel hard and leans forward, to rest his head in between his hands as the gravitas of the situation settles on him. I did the right thing, Tony's brain supplies, cajoling him but his heart pangs at the thought of whatever he saw today and how he reacted. 

I left. I left him. Oh God, oh God I left him.

His heart wrenches with guilt and pain as he lets out a breathy sob. His crying gets more and more intense, making his shoulders wrack with the force and his hands to tremble in their unsteady grip; his legs have gone numb and feel like the liquid static of an untuned television set, like the drive took centuries for him.

Amidst the crying, he lets forth a sobbing, shaky rendition of a single name from his lips:

"Steve."

Tony still loves him. He fiercely did so, everyday and every minute and he fiercely does. His heart still refuses to believe the current turn of events and he wants to go back, he wants to go back and find Steve at home and hug him and kiss him and fall at his feet and apologize for leaving instead of fixing things. He wants Steve to make love to him like how he did before, tenderly and passionately as he whispered sweet nothings in his ear but this time it would be Tony's turn to whisper breathy apologies and declarations of love, telling him he's his and that he always will be, all the while he framed Steve's beautiful, chiseled face in between his palms and kissed away as their passion exploded in tumultuous amount.

Those lips have been on someone else.

His body is given to someone else.

Tony's brain reminds him of the infidelity, repeatedly, like a church bell ringing hourly. The gongs of the reminder wrack through his bones as he sees that horrid sight through the window in his mind's eye. He fully collapses onto the steering wheel, hands barely holding him up as he sobs and whimpers continuously into the air of the car, lamenting his plight.

Tony startles upward, almost hitting his head to the roof of the car when he hears a knock on the window. 

He dries his eyes and rubs his nose with the back of his palm to look at least somewhat decent. Screw that, he probably looks like bear shit, so he just huffs out a long breath and turns to look at the person outside.

It's his platypus.

Seeing his best friend, Tony's lips tug upwards a little. Rhodes' offers one back, before his face falls back into a frown. His brows are knitted in concern and his jaw looks clenched. His whole form looks like it's on emergency mode and he urges Tony to get out of the car, with his thumb.

Tony grabs the handle and pushes the door out and then he practically falls into Rhodey's arms, clutching onto his shoulders. Startled at first, Rhodey clings onto Tony's torso with a firm grip.

"I can't take it anymore, Rhodey. I'm at my wit's end.", Tony garbles out in between since sobs.

"It's okay, Tones. I know. I know."

Tony cries out into Rhodes shoulder, wetting the fabric with his hot, salty tears interspersing his sobs with occasional deep breaths.

They stay like that for a long time untill Rhodey coaxes Tony into the house, as he grabs the keys out of the ignition and locks the car, following Tony slowly.

______________________*______________________

After setting Tony down and wrapping him up in a blanket with a piping hot mug of his favourite pre-mix latte, Rhodey just sits by Tony's side, caressing his shoulder with gentle rubs of consolement. They've become quiet now, well Tony has except for the sniffles and coughs, as he leans against Rhodey and sips on the coffee, occasionally.

"This is some delicious stuff. Thanks, platypus."

"I know you love this, Tones. I stack it for you whenever you come to visit."

Tony just offers a smile in return and drags a long sip before he asks, "Where's Pep?”

"She said she's in Cali for a council meeting. She's catching the early night flight to NY. She also said and I quote, 'wants to cut the son of a bitch from throat to scroat.' "

That elicits a loud chuckle from Tony, his body vibrating through the blanket and rumbling within Rhodey. The chuckle gets louder and louder until Tony's practically laughing at the comment, welling happy tears in the crook of his eyes.

They fall into silence again, comfortable and warm, until Rhodey speaks up:

"How'd you confirm?"

Tony clears his throat and settles the empty mug on the table before leaning forward and turning around back onto the couch, facing Rhodey.

"I caught him in that slut's house through the window. The bastard lives five blocks east of us."

It stuns Rhodey into silence.

"Yeah, the bastard was motorboating that whore when I saw. I think it's the same house I saw his car parked outside the last time."

"Jesus, Tony....."

"I got so pissed that I just grabbed every single thing of mine I own in that house and ran out. I can't deal with this anymore, platypus. I have a bad feeling it's been happening ever since Peter got into high school."

"Does Peter know?"

"No!" Tony blurts out, voice almost two octaves higher.

"I'm not telling Peter anything. He doesn't deserve to know this bullshit while he's at college."

"Okay, fine."

"I'm just.... I'm just so scared, Rhodey. I had my doubts.... But after Pete left for uni, he's gotten more distant. He doesn't even look at me when we have sex...."

Rhodey just puts a palm out. "Tony, I DO NOT NEED to know that."

Tony just shoots him a look of defiance before continuing.

"Like I said, he's always away from home. He comes home late at night, Rhodes. It's like he's been avoiding me on purpose. Am I that fucking horrid that someone has to avoid me for almost three whole years? I couldn't take it anymore. And after what I saw today, I just can't. I want this to end."

Tony's voice chokes out as he brings his head into his hands and lets out a deep, unsteady breath.

"After everything, I can't hate him, Rhodey. I cannot. I can't even fathom hating him or getting back at him. I left everything for him. I went against my parents for him. Oh God....."

Rhodey pulls Tony into a tight hug and keeps him there for a long, long minute.

"Do you want me to intervene? I sure will, I'll shoot him and that homewrecker through the head. Do you want me to do that, Tones? I got the rifle and the bullets out."

"Yeah, sure, like I'd let you go to jail for those two."

"Who says they'll even doubt me? I'll say they tried harassing an Army officer."

"Steve was in the army too, platypus."

"Then I've found my match."

Tony just sniggers at the comment before going back to his warm latte. He drags a long sip until he finishes it and settles the mug onto the table with a thud and wipes his mouth like a child.

"What do I do, Rhodey?"

"Tones, I think you need to confront him. We need to get this over with. You've borne this for what, three years almost? And that's just for how long you know. God knows how long that rat bastard's been keeping this from you."

Tony just shuffles around and wraps the blanket tight. He's terrified of confronting Steve. He'd fight the whole goddamn world but he would never fight Steve. Never.   
Whenever they'd get into a tiff, the blonde would scream and hover over Tony threateningly as if he was about to hit him, and once he almost did. He apologized immensely after that, trying to pepper him with kisses and dinners until he took Tony out on vacation to the Canadian Alps. 

That was when we conceived Peter, Tony chuckles to himself.

"Once this whole ordeal is over, I think you should move back to Cali. Pepper anyway wants you there in the headquarters. Peter will be safe in college, I can trust that no harm will come to him. I'll even check in a few of my friends to drop by and keep an eye on him."

"I don't know, Rhodey. I can't just up and leave-"

"Listen to me, Tony -", James' voice firm and unyielding, "you cannot stay here after you break it off. You don't need him or his negativity around you. You moved to New York for him and now look at the end result. He doesn't even respect the history you both have for almost 20 years to even let you off the hook and break things respectfully. Don't stay here and punish yourself Tony. Steve's just going to make everything worse for you. I promise I will keep an eye on Pete and if Steve tries anything funny, let's just say, a Lieutenant-Colonel will KICK the ex-Captain's ass."

Tony just sniffles and nods in response. 

"You stay here. I'll bring in your luggage from the car. And after that, we're gonna have a long movie night and a tonne load of food therapy, ok?"

"Sounds good", Tony says beaming a hearty smile at his best friend.

"Hey, Rhodey?"

"Hm?"

"Thank you."

"Shut up, Tony! Pick out the movie you want to watch.", Rhodey shoots back before grabbing Tony's keys from the hook and going out.

______________________*______________________

Tony wakes up on the couch, still wrapped in his blanket burrito. The TV is still running, playing the third installment in Star Wars and he glances up to see Rhodey, who's stayed all night like a pillow for Tony.

His head is thrown back as his arms line the head and the armrest of the couch. One leg of snuggled between Tony and the cushions, while another is stretched out below. He's snoring lightly and if you peer close, you can see the line of drool running from the corner of his mouth and pooling in at the shirt, creating a huge wet patch.

Tony doesn't know what he's done to ever deserve someone like Rhodey in his life. Ever since they became the most unlikely of friends at MIT, they've got each others back, from living an exciting and adrenaline pumped life at university by breaking rules and jumping walls up until now. Tony supported Rhodey completely in joining the Army after college and Rhodey and Pepper were the ones who held Tony together after his parents' death. They stood by guiding Tony throughout his grief and his responsibilities as the new CEO of Stark Industries, right till today, when he revolutionised the company by changing it's entire line of production, from weapons manufacturing to technological advancements and green energy, which shellshocked the investors and the stock market. They've been exemplary of a constant in his life and he always had and always will hold them in high esteem. He loves them so much, even more than he does Steve. Tony knows that he'll be able to push through this with them by his side. All he needs to do is confront Steve. That's it. And end it.

His mind goes over Rhodey's advice about confronting Steve. Should he leave for California after? Is it wise to leave Peter so close to his father when he's a country's length away? His body shudders in fear, he knows Steve will never ever use their son as a pawn. He loves the kid to the ends of the Earth and even if things between them have crumbled, Tony places that much faith in Steve. He mulls over the thought of going back for quite a while. He does miss the warmer climate of California and his parent's home in Malibu, which is now probably abandoned. Maybe it's the right thing to do, Rhodey will keep an eye on Pete and eventually he can break the news to Pete about their separation - 

Tony's dragged out of his thoughts by what sounds like an even louder snore from the man above him, causing waves of chuckles at the sight of his platypus before bringing his phone out to snap a photo.

He glances at the clock for a while to interpret the positioning of the handles. 

2:47 a.m.

Rhodey snores a little more, eliciting a chuckle from Tony one more time as he snaps another photo and goes to place the phone on the table, when he feels the buzzing vibrations in his hand.

He brings the phone back up to look at it and his eyes open in horror to see name calling and he almost drops the phone -

Incoming call: Steve

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Dun-dun-dunnnnnnn!!!! Cliffhanger!!! Of sorts! 
> 
> Thank you for reading! I'll try and update as regularly as I can. I'll also inform you how I'm going to split this series.
> 
> Kudos and comments will be much appreciated if you like the story. Thank you!


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Steve's point of view of his past with Tony, their relationship and their familial life until it came crashing down.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hehe, so this is a flashback types. Got some imagery and what not.
> 
> It's Steve's point of view. There's some snoof, fluff and maybe even a little stony smut ;) (not explicit tho)
> 
> This point of view is going to be split into two parts. The next one will deal with Steve's infidelity and what he feels.

Steve Rogers loves Tony Stark.

Well, he thinks he does.

Now he doesn't know anymore.

All he can say is whatever feelings he has for Tony have and will always be intense and full of passion.

When Steve saw Tony at his very first Stark expo, he was swept off his feet by the new young, beautiful and vivacious CEO. He looked gorgeous when he first saw him - wearing a crisp black suit with a beautiful black bowtie, hair tousled to look unkempt but it suited him so well. And those eyes, oh God... Those eyes were so big and brown, they looked like they held the universe in them. Tony's big, expressive orbs were probably the best feature on his face, complementing the rest of his beauty. He was suave, charming and witty, he held conversations with grace and fluidity, making the other person feel genuinely listened to and spoken with. 

Steve also learnt that Tony was the head of the R&D department and an expert engineer of Stark Industries. The young CEO had to bear the brunt of his parents' untimely demise and take up the mantle of being successor to their legacy. And he did it with such poise and grace that it made Steve fall for him all the more.

At one point during his instatement speech, Steve was lost looking at Tony, trying to absorb as much as he said but he ended up staring at his face and his hands- their animated movement trying to bring out whatever he was speaking about to life - their movements, beautiful and fluid.  
Eventually, Tony glanced at Steve mid-way during his speech and noticed he was making goo-goo eyes at him.   
Tony took in the sight with humour and beamed at Steve, before curling his lips upward like he knew that the man was drinking him in. 

That was all the confirmation Steve needed.

After the speech, Steve congratulated Tony and shook his hand, where they lingered in that position for quite a while. They made light conversation about themselves and a little about the here-and-there happenings and what not.  
The thing was, Tony was definitely Steve's type. He had an argument for every proposition, every idea where he'd twist it upon its head and present it from another point of view. Suffice to say, Steve loved it and he admired Tony's open mindedness. Tony also listened intently to Steve's own point of view on things and took it in consideration.

The conversation was cut short when Tony was dragged away by other dignitaries, probably his father's business partners and acquaintances.  
Steve was dejected by this interruption but then again, he found some hope when Tony turned to him with the most beautiful expression and mouthed to him, silently: 

Stay with me.

That was all it took for Steve to wait out till every guest left, leaving behind only Tony and a few of his friends.

Steve may have spent most of the night alone, but he found people to talk to as well, and he especially admired Tony's friend, James, who had signed up in the army recently.   
Steve talked at great length of the trials and travails of his squadron as they had to manoeuvre through the rough terrains of Iraq. He gave him some advice about surviving camp and fighting with the other soldiers for basic amenities in the barracks. He especially remembered his best friend, Bucky and recalled the great fun they had during the war, over a pint or two of beer or over a game of cards.

Good old James listened to every word Steve said and took it with great interest, sometimes asking a question here and there. It made Steve's heart swell with pride that there were people this patriotic even to this day.

At the end of their conversation, Steve just tapped James on the back, a friendly gesture. Then, the other man asked Steve who's here with him to which he pointed at Tony.  
Steve's reaction made Rhodey lose all colour from him face as his eyes widened and jaw loosen. In the end, he clamped Steve's shoulder and wished him good luck with somewhat of an apologetic smile and took his leave, hugging Tony.

After the last of them left, Tony took Steve out to the roof of the building where they could see the beautiful night sky, dotted with stars as well as the hustle-bustle of the humans below. The yellow, red and white lights of Californian nightlife interspersed with the violet-black of the nearingly midnight sky knocked a breath out of Steve, who took it in with a deep breath, only to hear Tony doing so as well.

Tony looked even more beautiful like this, with his suit in disarray; a shirt button popped open and the bowtie hanging loosely around his neck. His eyes were closed as he clung onto the railing and breathed against the cold wind, seeming so serene and calm. Heat bloomed from within Steve's chest, he was falling quickly and hopelessly for this man.

"Sorry, I just need a break. These things have always been stressful."

"It's okay, I understand. It's quite beautiful up here."

Steve's eyes were locked on Tony as he spoke, which hitched something in Tony who gazed at him for a moment.  
Tony closed the distance between them and pressed his tender lips against Steve, while he placed a hand on his cheek and caressed the slight stubble there.

I love you. I love you and only you.

Steve felt like he was on cloud nine! His body tensed up immediately but his soul felt like a Christmas tree, all lit up and fanciful. Slowly, he mellowed against the kiss and hooked his arm on Tony's waist, pulling him closer with a jerk as he smiled against his lips and kissed him more intently, more passionately.

They kissed long and hard, and at one point they involved tongue, sweeping into each other's mouths with furious passion and lust, with Steve leaning against the railing and Tony draped over his front, their hands roaming to explore each others frame where Steve rested his at the small of Tony's back and Tony rested his on Steve's broad chest. Tony tasted like whiskey and coconuts, an unusual but enticing combo as their breaths mingled when they panted into each others mouth. After they had finished playing tonsil hockey, Tony looked up at Steve's face and framed it in his hands adoringly almost devotedly and gave him a chaste peck before resting his head on Steve's heart. The gesture sent butterflies fluttering within Steve's gut as he wrapped his arms around Tony protectively as they slowly slid to the ground, in perfect embrace.

My heart is yours now. Only yours.

They stayed like that for a long moment before Tony started trembling against the cold and they went back inside, while Steve carried up Tony by his waist and Tony rested his arms on the ex-Captain's back and another cradled with his hand, almost using him as an anchor for support, all the while keeping their gazes locked onto each other, beaming at each other.

I am now yours. Heart and soul, I'm only yours.

And then began their courtship.

They went on multiple dates, over the span of eight months, evoking reactions of varied degrees from the public. Steve knew the camera was always on Tony, being an heir he was. The headlines of newspapers were always about them whenever they were spotted outside, either having a meal together or strolling by, hands intertwined with each other, with big red letters trying to drive the public to decode their relationship status or what not.

Steve got used to it gradually as Tony just advised him not to pay attention at all. Being the sap he was, he just told Tony that all his attention was on him anyway, sending a hot blush down Tony's olive toned skin as he writhed under Steve's intent gaze.

Many such dates later, they took the big decision to tie the knot.

It was a simple ceremony, with only a handful of guests including Tony's best friend James and a strawberry blonde woman called Virginia, but preferred to be called Pepper, who was Tony's PA and also one of his close confidantes from long ago.

They exchanged rings, they said their vows and they kissed, finally declaring themselves to be wed.

They ran off to Hawaii for their honeymoon and that was when they first made love. 

It was sweet and sensuous, Tony going soft and pliant under Steve's firm but tender ministrations as their bodies rocked together in mutual pleasure, savouring the smell and taste of each other, with passionate desire and near carnal lust as well as their devotion to one another, seen in every aspect of their togetherness.

Their marriage was considered ideal by the public. They were much adored but also frowned upon by a few, claiming that it wouldn't last and naming Tony's old flirtatious habits as the reason.

Well, they were horribly wrong.

Tony proved himself to be an ideal life partner who was devoted to his home and his work. He gave up his drinking for Steve (which was one of the reasons for his wild antics during college) and took part in AA meetings, regularly. He showered his love on Steve and it was always the little, unspoken acts of service Tony would do that warmed Steve's heart. Steve didn't know what he did to ever get Tony as his but he was determined to keep him forever, happy and healthy.

A few years later, they had Peter, who was the blessing they were too grateful for. Steve felt like his life was complete, he had an amazing husband and a beautiful child of their own. Their own little bundle of joy who was going to be loved and cared for fiercely.

Initially, Tony was terrified of being a parent, fearing that he would follow in his father's footsteps. All it took from Steve was a generous amount of patience and explaining that Tony would never be his father, that he was better than him and that he would be a great dad to their kid. Slowly, Tony came to terms with his traumatic childhood. It took him a great deal to get over the fear, the anxiety, the overburdening pain of his past but he worked through it with Steve by his side.

I'm always here for you. For eternity.

And so, the happy family went on with their life, cherishing each other and loving one another unconditionally as the years went by.

Peter grew up to be smart like his Dad and shy like his Pops. He was one of the best kids the couple could ever ask, always courteous and well mannered. He was probably one of the smartest people in the country, winning laurels and awards in competitions, making the pair proud of their son.

Our little bundle of joy. He's ours, Tony.

The family decided to move to New York as Steve got promoted to director of national security and was the head of their new division, S.H.I.E.L.D. It worked for their favour as Tony could head the new sector of his company on the eastern seaboard and Peter could get better opportunities as a student.  
The family moved to Brooklyn, which was Steve's ancestral land and rebuilt their life anew in their new home.

Sixteen years had passed by and Tony and Steve thought their marital bliss was eternal.

Who would ever even guess that all of this would come crashing down like a pyramid of wine glasses, the pure crystal of their relationship to get tainted and turn black?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading!
> 
> Unbeta'd work so please mention if any mistakes/discrepancies. Thanks!
> 
> Updates won't be very regular after this. I think I'm hitting a block but I promise I'll work through it :')
> 
> If you like the work so far, please leave comments and kudos


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bucky gives Steve a choice.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A parallel to chapter 2. Steve and Bucky's setting.
> 
> Warning: Smut and descriptions of sex.

Steve eyes flutter open as his body suddenly jerking into wakefulness. 

His sleep is always cut short, ever since the army, having gotten used to the unstable cycles of rest they got and the constant edge of having to spring into action, keeping him vigilant.   
Honestly, Steve can never say he got a full eight or more hours of sleep except for when he was with Tony.  
Tony used to sing to him in foreign tongue, mostly Italian, softly and quietly, while he trailed his fingers through his hair, massaged his scalp with such beloved tenderness while the other hand used to rub circles on his chest, not teasingly but more devotedly, like he was worshipping the heart beating under the flesh, because he knew it beat only for him as he clasped him close, while Steve nuzzled under Tony's neck and nipped softly at the skin there, eliciting sudden gasps and sputters from his love.

A small smile creeps up on Steve's face at the thought and he turns to his right to see a figure who's face is covered by locks of sweaty hair sprawled out on the bed, next to him.

The figures arm lies across Steve's midsection and he feels a hot rise of shame jog through him, paralleling lust and heartache.

He's hid this from Tony for more than two years.

He knows he's worthless. He's a piece of garbage for doing this to Tony.

But he can't help himself. 

Steve brings a hand to push the strands of hair out of the sleeping form's face, revealing the powerfully built nose and a jaw that could probably cut diamond.  
He rests his hand on the other man's cheek, gently rubbing the five o'clock shadow which stirs him into light wakefulness as he hums in pleasure. 

Bucky wakes and glances at Steve, blinking twice before he smiles in earnest at him. Steve smiles back, he's always smiled back every time but it's always abruptly halted as he feels a sick churning in his gut and an ache in his heart.

He guides his hand on Steve's body to give him support as he lifts himself up slightly, guiding himself closer and places a light kiss on the other man's lips. Steve returns the kiss with the same intensity, before placing a deeper one and sweeping his tongue inside the other man's mouth until the other man pulls apart and huffs a breath of relief.

"Good.....",he glances at the clock, before returning his gaze, "early mid mid-night. How'd you sleep?"

"Really, Buck? You asking me that?"

"Good point."

"Say, what's the time?"

The other man's raised brows drop down before he glances at the clock again while settling back into his pillow and throwing an arm onto his forehead.

"1:30"

"Okay."

Silence.

It lingers for a while between them before Bucky speaks up.

"Aren't you going to leave?"

"Buck, I-"

"Steve, you don't owe me an explanation. You've done this since forever. We meet, we bang, you leave in the middle of the night to go back home."

"What are you trying to say, Buck?"

"Leave it, Steve."

"Buck, plea-"

"I said, leave it Steve!", the man growls almost as his voice hits a dangerous note.

Steve goes quiet. 

"That seems to shut you up, huh?"

Steve's head snaps back to Bucky, who's now grinning menacingly into the empty space. He turns to glower at Steve, who just blinks at him sheepishly.

"Yeah, it sure did."

"Buck, just tell me what's wrong."

"You! You're what's wrong!"

Steve looks taken aback, his jaw dropping in surprise.

"You know, all this time, you've been keeping me on the sidelines. I never complained once. Not once. Wanna know why? Because I knew you'd come back to me. Always. Every night, you'd always come to my goddamn house and bang me like a book on the table, whisper sweet shit in my ear whenever we stay and you'd just up and leave whenever the fuck you wanted. Honest to God, I never said a single thing to you about this Steve. I fucking love you, Stevie and now... now I don't think I want to be a secret anymore. I know you love me and I want to love you in the open, to go out with you in public and fucking hold your hands while you kiss me in front of the world for them to see. I love you, Steve."

Bucky gets up and clasps his hand on either side of Steve's face, his eyes streaked with tears before he presses a deep kiss to his face. Steve just blinks back at him, at a loss for words.

"I want to be yours, Steve. I want the world to know I'm yours. And that you're mine. You have been ever since we met in DC. Please, Steve. Please." 

He peppers Steve's face with kisses and wraps his arms around his neck. Steve's eyes snake up Bucky's sides and settle on his hips, as they begin to clash their mouths furiously, moaning and panting into each other's mouths before Bucky crawls into Steve's lap and presses down upon him. 

I can't live this life knowing that I'm just I'm getting tired of it. So, you're gonna have to make a choice. You either choose to go home permanently or you choose... Well, you choose me."

Steve just mewls out under Bucky's ministrations and grips his hips tightly trying to stop him, almost.

"I love you, Steve Rogers. I love you."

A breath is punched out of Steve when the weight of Bucky's words hit him like an asteroid. 

I have to choose.

An ache settles within his gut as he leans against the headboard and observes Bucky's face, twisted with pleasure as he grinds down on him, eyes closed and mouth lax and open.

_I have to choose._

Steve can't seem to comprehend but he knows that right now, he can't seem to think straight because of Bucky's doing and it distracts him. Pleasure is shooting through his spine, engorging his cock through the briefs as they tent painfully. He pushes his briefs off and grabs Bucky by the hips, pulling him close to his chest.

"I love you too, Buck."

Steve feels Bucky's hips grind down upon him, causing him to go flush with want. Bucky kneels for a while before settling back down slowly, aiming his entrance to engulf Steve's length.

Steve shudders at the sensation of going in raw into Bucky, sending goosebumps throughout his skin. 

"B-buck... oh god, fuck. Buck. Grab a condom!"

"No."

"Huh?"

"No, Steve. Mark me. Make me yours."

Bucky bottoms out finally and twirls his hips, as he grabs onto Steve's jaw and cheek. A groan draws out from Steve's chest as he grabs Bucky's hips and lifts him, before dropping him down oh so slowly.

"I love you, Bucky."

"I love you too, Steve. Now, come on, fill me up. Mark me."

"Go ahead, Buck."

Bucky, envigored by Steve's permission, begins his ministrations and begins pumping himself full of Steve's hot length, as they both moan in unison.

  
______________________*_____________________

  
Steve buttons his pants and pulls his shirt down. He smooths a hand over the fabric and readjusts his collar, picks up his jacket and perches it in the crook of his elbow before taking one last look at Bucky.

Bucky's passed out over the mattress, faceplanting into the pillows as he's stretched out under a blanket. His face is towards the bedside window, away from Steve and the door behind him. 

Steve swallows again and ducks out through the door of the bedroom, tiptoeing down the stairs and heads out of the house through the back door, quietly shutting it close before latching it from the inside.

Steve walks around the garden and unlocks his car, before getting into it and almost slamming the door shut.

He hunches over the wheel for a bit and releases a deep breath, feeling his shoulders relax.   
A myriad of emotions crash into Steve, mostly anger, hate and disgust, those ugly emotions are directed towards himself. He hates that he's putting Bucky through this and that he's such a fucking wuss that he can't even face Tony.

He hasn't been able to face Tony for two years now.

_Two whole fucking years_.

His mind's eye shows him Tony, shocked into silence when Steve breaks it to him. His big brown eyes, glazed over, filled with disbelief; those eyes, that have always been Steve's weakness as they showed every emotion Tony wanted to display and didn't as well. The varying degree of sensitivity in them encompassing Tony's soul, which was once pure, but is now tainted because of Steve's actions.  
Steve's mind shows him Tony breaking down all the while screaming at Steve, not to touch him. It shows him Tony flinching from Steve and cursing him for ruining everything they've built. It shows him Tony lapsing back into his alcoholism, which he's worked so hard to be rid of, as he drowns in entire bottles of scotch and vodka.   
It shows him Peter. His kid. His kid who's always looked up at Steve as his hero, averting his eyes from Steve as he backs away from him. Peter's always been discreet with his emotions but now, now he just breaks down and tells Steve to leave. 

_He tells him to leave immediately._

_His kid denounces him and spits on him, telling him to leave._

_He tells Steve to get out of his life._

Steve's heart pangs at his thoughts, as he witnesses the lives he's ruined and the feelings he's played with.

He quickly brushes his tears and starts the car, before reversing it onto the road and zooming out onto the street.

His mind constantly plays the images, torturing him, punishing him like he's being whipped a thousand times for his sins.

He feels _powerless_.

Steve can't choose. He can't. It's like choosing a limb or an eye.

Tony was and probably is the love of his life. He's loved him for twenty years and counting. Ever since that night on the terrace, Steve knew he gave his heart completely and fully to Tony. Tony gave him a home, a family and he's perfect to Steve.   
In every way. In every form.   
But, Bucky. He loves Bucky too. The passion and intensity he loves Bucky with is too strong, fearful almost. He can't live without him. Bucky causes Steve to be overcome by carnal desire, a lust he cannot fight. 

Steve pulls up to his driveway and parks the car in his basement.   
He glances over in the rearview mirror and settles his hair with one hand before he gets out of the car and gets into the elevator, pressing the button for floor 5.

As soon as Steve unlocks the door, he notices the house is pitch dark. 

Tony usually leaves a light on in the passageway for Steve but today, there is nothing like that.

He fumbles around in the dark to find the switchboard and turns on the lights, blinking against it.

Steve feels like he's standing in a haunted mansion.

The house feels empty, barren almost. To better describe it, it looks like the house has been possessed.

Steve thinks Tony is asleep so he kicks off his shoes and throws his jacket onto the couch, before sneaking in slowly to his room.

He opens the door of his room, as slow as he could, to avoid creaking and he tiptoes inside going straight into the bathroom.

Steve washes up and brushes his teeth. He throws off his clothes, leaving only his boxers on and glances at his reflection in the mirror.

_I'm going to tell Tony tomorrow._

Steve's heart sinks as he thinks of the aftermath of his decision. He needs to fucking man up and tell Tony the truth. He doesn't know who he's gonna choose, but he has to tell Tony. 

_You've been fucking lying to him for two years and now you decide that you have to man up and tell him._   
_Two years when you were warming Bucky's bed and asshole didn't matter but now it does._   
_You're fucking scum, Rogers._

Steve closes his eyes at his thoughts and rubs a hand over his face before exiting the bathroom.

The light illuminates the bedroom and Steve realises it's barren.  
Things are missing from the room.  
He glances at the bed and realises Tony isn't there.  
He goes over to Peter's room to see if Tony is sleeping there but the room is untouched and there is no sign of anyone.

"Tony?"

_Silence_.

Steve goes down one floor to Tony's lab, thinking that Tony's passed out there on the couch or still awake, tinkering at some machine or running schematics for a new invention.

It's his worst habit, Steve thinks. Staying up this late working himself to sleeplessness. Even though tomorrow is Sunday, Steve knows Tony is working more, trying to distract himself from Peter's absence. 

It's been a few months since Peter left and Tony hasn't been dealing with it well. He makes it a point to call Peter every weekend and inquire.   
Steve knows Tony misses Peter, just as he does but he's always different at expressing his worry or concern, pampering Peter with new stuff or a new black amex card, which always kind of set of Steve.

He reaches the lab floor and walks inside towards the couch, only to find it empty.

"Tony! Tony, are you there?"

There is no response to Steve, as he starts to worry about where Tony's whereabouts.

Steve races back upstairs and begins scanning the house, looking for Tony in the kitchen, the gym, the laundry room, anywhere and everywhere but he finds no sign of Tony.

_Does Tony know?_

_Did he find out?_

_Did he get to know and is that why he left?_

Steve's heart begins thudding in his chest as he brushes off his thoughts. He runs back to the room and picks up his phone to dial Tony's number and clutches the phone to his ear, desperate.

_Outgoing call: Tony_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading!
> 
> Updates won't be this usual. I think I've hit a block for now. Sorry and thank you.
> 
> Unbeta'd so please mention if any mistakes or discrepancies.
> 
> Kudos and comments are much appreciated!


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The phone call and it's aftermath.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Some ironbros fluff and antics 4 you uwu.
> 
> Plus a miserable Steve :)

Tony's eyes open wide at the screen of the phone, the bright white light showing the incoming call making them sting and burn. He's tuned out the loud ringing emanating from it, resounding within the entire house.

_The fucking bastard went home now._

He's terrified of having to pick up the call but he also knows if he does, he's going to have a breakdown and he'd rather die in a ditch than let this man have the opportunity to watch him fall apart.

The phone continues ringing as Tony just stares at it.

Rage and fear grip Tony's throat, both those emotions fighting for dominance, as a shudder wracks through his spine.   
One is pushing him further to cause a scene and the other is goading him to just toss this ringing piece of garbage in the trash.

If he answers, he doesn't know what's on the other end.   
Maybe Steve is going to scream.   
Yell.  
Admonish Tony for being irresponsible and leaving on a whim, like nothing has happened.   
Else, he's going to force Tony to return home from wherever he is, trying to fucking stake claim of ownership on him, even after everything.   
Then, Steve softens up, as he usually does and speaks to Tony so delicately like he's the most fragile thing in the universe, with oh-so-much patience and such aggressive tenderness.

_Fucking BULLSHIT! Complete and utter BULLSHIT!_

Tony throws the phone on the table as the ringing continues and jabs at Rhodey's jaw. He shakes his shoulders vigorously and slaps the sleeping man's chest, all the while calling his name.

"Rhodey! Rhodey, wake up, please!!!! Come on, honeybear!!! Please, wake up!"

A sharp jab to his jaw rouses the other man as he blinks a few times, adjusting his vision, before he looks down at Tony who's practically on top of him, wrapped up in a blanket and wriggling around, like a caterpillar.

"What is it, Tones?"

"Steve's calling."

Rhodey jolts forward, almost sending Tony hurtling to the other side of the couch if he hadn't got up as soon as he saw the bewildered expression on his face.

"Tones, I thought you told him."

"No! No, I did not!!! And now he's fucking calling me. What the fuck do I do?”

The phone stops ringing with a last vibration. Rhodey peers over at Tony, unimpressed as Tony just grins apologetically.

"Tones, you could've picked it up and told him you're at my place."

"You know how Steve is! If I'm not at home without telling him, he throws a fucking hissy fit! Remember the last time we went out together?"

"Tony, that was 2 weeks ago."

"Yeah, I came home late, like how he fucking does and the little bitch had the audacity to question me."

"Tony, you're overreacting."

"No, I'm not!”

"Tony, just say you're scared to pick up the phone. I know Steve is nothing like that and you're just finding reasons to not answer."

Tony opens his mouth to argue but nothing comes out.

_Well, fuck._

Honestly, screw Rhodey and his shrink skills at always deciphering Tony. 

Tony just huffs out a sigh and sits up, still wrapped comfortably.

"Tony, call him ba-"

The phone starts ringing again and Rhodey glances at it, clicking his tongue in an understanding gesture.

"Tony, just pick it up."

"I-"

"Tones, just tell him you're over at my place."

Tony heaves a sigh and closes his eyes before sliding the answer call icon on the screen and bringing the phone to his ear.

"Hello?"

Tony just goes silent for a while as he stares into space with Rhodey looking over cautiously.

"I'm sorry. I'm over at Rhodey's. He's sick so I thought I'd stay with him."

.....

"Yeah, he's getting better now that I'm here."

.....

"I'll come by tomorrow in the evening."

.....

"Yeah, okay. Bye. Good night."

.....

A thought comes to Tony as he picks up the phone and rebukes the other end in his most media-friendly derogatory voice:

"And, oh, uh, Steve. I know."

Before he could get a response, he cuts the call and throws the phone on the table and cradles his head in his palms for a while as Rhodey puts a hand on his shoulder, squeezing it slightly.

_God, I can't believe him._

Tony's head perks up slowly, grimacing at Rhodey, as the wet tear stains pool at the hollow of his eyes. He manages to give it a small smirk which Rhodey returns, with no sympathy or pity in his features, just soft adoration, which soothes Tony, knowing that even if the world turns against him, he's got Rhodey and Pepper with him.

"Platypus, do you plan on sleeping on the couch tonight?"

"Ha-ha Tones. Ugh!", he grabs at his neck as he twists it around, grimacing.

"You should've seen yourself passed out here. Could I photoshop into..... what do these kids call it.... uh, yes, ah! Could I photoshop you into a meme?"

"Swear to God, Tony, I'll land your ass outside."

Tony gasps as he places a hand over his chest, mockingly.

"You wouldn't dare."

"Try me, Stank."

"Will you ever let that go? That damn postman-"

"Come on, Mr. Stank. Don't get your knickers in a twist."

Tony chuckles in response which Rhodey joins in on.

"What did he say?"

"He just asked me where I was and I told him I'm over at yours because you're sick."

"You're going to go back tomorrow evening?"

"Yeah."

"Tony....."

"No, I'm not going back to him. Hell, no! I think it's time. I'm going to end it. It's been long in the happening."

"Good."

"Yeah. I'm just going to go to a meeting tomorrow and then I'll do it."

"Speaking of that, did you get your sobriety chip?"

"Nope, I think I'll be getting it tomorrow, I guess..."

"Damn Tones. To think that you went almost twenty years without a drink."

Tony snorts in response.

"The things I do for love. Pathetic."

"No, Tones. I'm glad."

Tony glances over back at Rhodey who's looking at him with so much adoration that it melts Tony. He places a comforting hand on Tony's shoulder, before giving it a gentle squeeze and getting up.

"I'm going to clean up. You head upstairs and sleep, alright?”

Tony knows that's more of a command than a suggestion. He nods in response and frees his legs from the cocoon.

He gets over to the stairs as Rhodey disappears into the kitchen.

"Honeybear, I love you."

"Shut up, Tony! Go sleep."

Tony chuckles at the comment and heads up to sleep.

As soon as he reaches the room, Tony just plops down on the bed and throws the blanket open, smoothing it out fully before throwing another one on himself.  
Right now, Tony just needs a break from his thoughts. He just needs a break from the reality of his life and as much as he can't seem to sleep, he's going to try.

Tony closes his eyes as two rivulets drop down towards his temples

______________________*______________________

What did Tony mean by that?

 _I know_.

Steve might've been a little too worried over the phone as he just rambled out at Tony. Tony seemed fine over the phone and he sounded like he was sleeping and frankly, was quite annoyed by Steve's disturbance.

_But, what did Tony mean by that?_

Steve tries recalling the conversation and hits the end:

"Ok honey, you and Rhodey take care. Bye. Good night. I love you."

"Yeah, okay. Bye. Good night."

A long pause drawn out for a few seconds before Tony dropped the words, so eerily on Steve, an air of smug disdain in his tone.

_"Steve, I know."_

_**Did Tony find out? Did he get to know about....?** _

Steve shakes the thoughts out of his head. No, if Tony found out, it just means everything going to shit. Tony probably just answered the last part of what Steve said. He knows Steve loves him and probably always will. Tony always knew. 

_Well, he's going to doubt that very soon._

He was supposed to tell Tony tomorrow, if he was here. Well, Tony said he'd come back tomorrow evening and then Steve would tell him. He'd finally confess and let Tony react however. Well, he won't have a choice but to listen or bear the aftermath of whatever happens.

_You're going to break him. You're going to crush him like the insignificant thing you've made him in your life._

Steve just drags a hand through his hair and heaves a sigh. He can feel his lungs constrict even more and his heart thump in its cage.

_You're the fucking worst, Steve._

_You don't deserve him._

_You don't deserve his magnanimity._

_You don't deserve Peter._

_You don't deserve this life._

_You don't deserve anything._

_You are the lowest form of life on the planet._

Steve doesn't fight the thoughts. He lets them run, wild and untethered as they rake nails and jab daggers into every fiber of his being.  
He throws himself over the bed and drags the blanket over, his whole body trembling.

He drags another one over and drapes it on top.

No change.

Steve trembles and shudders as his teeth chatter and toes tingle against the icy sensation. He's never liked the cold.  
He remembers when him and Tony used to huddle in the winter months, curled up on the couch together sharing a blanket, their bodies completely intertwined and legs tangled together while something played on the TV. Tony used to rub his warm hands all over Steve's body, through the sweater he wore, as he nuzzled at Steve's neck and placed light kisses on the hollow of his throat, sending tingling sensations fluttering through Steve's body. Steve would wrap Tony up in his arms and press him close, trying to savour his touch and his body heat as he rested his head against Tony's, taking in the wonderful smell of his hair, which always smelled like berries.

Steve relishes in the thought for a while before he snaps out of it and looks at his empty bed, save for him.

He grabs his phone and shoots a text:

_Hey Nat, could you come over tomorrow? I need help._

Steve knows he can't do this alone. He needs some help and frankly, Natasha has been his best friend at SHIELD ever since he started working there. They've been through thick and thin with each other for the last 4 years since the two of them got transferred together from California.  
Nat is probably the strongest person Steve knows. She's lived a tough life, had to work her way to the top, alone. She's been in the business, long before Steve and she showed him the ropes after the Army.  
They got real close as they worked more and more together. Nat seemed to project a tough exterior, result of the constant war she's waged against the world, but deep down, she was a huge softie.

Steve's phone buzzes:

_Sure, be there at 8. :)_

Steve huffs a sigh of relief before returning his phone to the drawer and wrapping himself up in the double blanket.

_Whatever happens tomorrow......_

As Steve closes his eyes, he doesn't realize he's crying until the drops flow onto his cheek.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading!
> 
> I'll be bringing in more characters. I'm not sure how but I will work on it.
> 
> My dumbass keeps sayin I have a block but then I whoop up some shit like this. I'm just not going to give you false hope anymore but I will try and update as frequently as I can.
> 
> Kudos and comments will be much appreciated!


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The day comes at last.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Two chapters in a day????? Whaaaaaaaat? I can't believe it either but here you go. Thank you so much to everyone who's been reading and leaving comments, I love you guys!
> 
> I'm sorry I'm dragging it out but oh my god, I'm so scared of making Tony confront Steve. Have some CarolTony fluff and witness Nat in action.

Tony twirls the empty cup of coffee with one hand, as his fingers trace over the perforated brown sleeve, feeling the folded edges and dips in the felt.   
The sensation along his fingers is eerily relaxing, making him get lost in playing with his cup that he's not even paying attention to whatever is happening around him.  
He can hear faint voices dishing out news or rules or instructions or murmuring amongst themselves, about mundane topics which would, never in a million years, pique his interest.   
He can hear the faint drag of his index finger along the brown paper making a characteristic soft rippling which he pays attention to, almost as if in sort of a trance.

"That's all the time we have for today. Thank you for sharing!"

A short pause later, the same voice calls out.

"We are now going to hand out chips. Newcomers first."

Tony feels a faint nudge against his side and looks up in the direction of the intrusion.

"Tony, are you alright?"

Tony just blinks at the face, looking over at her with ample concern and just nods in response.

He hasn't spoken ever since he left Rhodey's house to come to the 2 o' clock meeting.

"You're almost up to collect your chip, Tony."

"Thanks, Carol."

His voice comes out like a croak and he coughs a little to fight off the plaque on his cords.

"Mr.Stark?"

He looks up in the direction of the voice.

"Here's your twenty year chip."

The hand holds out a brass coloured coin in front of him, beckoning him to accept.  
Tony can clearly see the writing on it - and the first thing sees is the number 20, emboldened deep, circumferenced within a circle as the words 'One Day at a Time' surround it in lighter tone.

Tony puts a hand out and accepts the chip. Loud applause follows right after, in different paces, intermixed together to form a cacophony of palms slapping against each other to congratulate him on his successful endeavour.

As if I have anything to celebrate.

"Congratulations, Mr. Stark. And most importantly, we thank you for supporting yourself and us by taking part in the program."

Tony nods in response, trying to grace the comment with a smile but ends up with a hybrid grimace of sorts.

"Would you like to say a few words?"

At first, Tony seems repulsed by the idea. He can't seem to gather any air in his lungs to even breathe out a syllable. He just sits there, contemplating for a while when he feels the same familiar hand come down on his shoulder:

"Tony, say something."

He nods back at Carol before looking up to address the crowd as he sees the multitude of faces, some new and some old.   
Some of them have been there long since he came and few people, like Carol and Brunhilde, who've been there with him since he joined. He glances over the crowd one last time before he draws a breath, sits up and clears his throat, crossing his ankles behind him.

"Uhh, so first of, I would like to thank everyone here for supporting me. And for the coffee and the snacks. Martha, you keep whipping up batches of your coconutties and I will personally build you a bakery."

The crowd laughs lightly.

Tony glances at the chip, feeling it's light mass but enormous significance in his palm.

"Wow..... It's been twenty years. Twenty years since I woke up without a pounding headache or a strange person in my bed. Or someone else's bed."

"You know, there was a time I couldn't live without booze. I mean, I started drinking at 15 and that was when I joined college, so you know, I'd feel like I needed to have a drink every now and then, then soon I'd need it every week and that slowly became every night. Every night, I'd need a glass of scotch burning down my throat. Then, I was 21 and the bad news happened and I think I can positively point out that that was my turning point. You know, everything spiralled from there. Hell, I was pretty tipsy at my own wedding. When the priest saw my face, he took a whiff and asked "Glenlivet?". I remember I burst out laughing right before I keeled over on Steve's shoes. Hey, the man still married me, so what the fuck was he thinking right?"

"By the time I was 23, I was married. That's when I decided to put a stop to it. That and also me coming home one night and throwing up on the carpet in front of guests. Well, they were Steve's friends so not so much as MY guests but, yea.... Cleaning that thing cost a fucking fortune, that thing was a Persian!"

"And now, twenty years later, I've gone every single day without a drink or having the police escort me to my house.... Or a jail cell. Ugh! Those things were filthy."

"I could conceive because I had given up drinking. I took up my job better, because I stopped drinking. I watched my son grow up into this amazing human being because I stopped drinking. Little boy grew up and went off to MIT. I could experience all those joys.... because I stopped drinking."

"And I'm grateful that I did. I really am. I'm genuinely grateful for all of you who have been there with me since day one. Well, day two in my opinion because I don't remember shit from my first day here because I was IMMENSELY coked up."

Tony makes a gesture to grab Carol's hand which she accepts benignly.

"There were days when I just wanted to crash myself into a bar or drown in a margarita pool but I'm glad that I didn't. Who knew the serenity prayer helped? I mean I'd just pop a prayer to Yoda and feel enlightened. But, most of all, I could not have done with it without each and every one of you. And for that, I am eternally grateful to all of you for saving my life. Thank you!"

Congratulatory applause falls in line, loud and raucous, in appreciation of Tony for his bravery and his tenure in AA. The applause lingers for a long, long time before dying out.

"Thank you, Tony."

Tony nods, beaming.

"Well, that is all the time we have for sharing. The next meeting is on Tuesday. Thank you!”

Tony is about to throw his empty cup and leave when Carol wallops him in a bear hug, squeezing him so endearingly that it chokes all the air out of him.

"Congratulations, Tones!! I'm so proud of you."

Tony taps out at Carol's shoulder and manages to squeeze out: "Spaceface, you're choking me."

"Oh, come on, Tones. I'm just wishing you is all."

She releases her death grip as Tony gasps a bit, looking at him being unnecessarily dramatic.

"Thanks, Spaceface. Hey, when's yours?"

"I'm not sure, Tony. I kind of lost track."

"How in the hell did you ever work for the USAF when your memory is this crappy?"

"Not everyone's a genius prodigy like you, Tony", she bumps his playfully on the shoulder with a fist.

"Speaking of, how's Maria and the kid?"

"They're both doing great! Monica's trying to get into CalTech."

"Hey, that's really good! I knew she could do it. Kid's a genius as much as Pete."

"Say, how's Rhodey?"

"He's doing good. Might go to Memphis for some work real soon."

"Oh....."

"Carol, do you have something to say?"

"No, nothing. It's just that he hasn't well, he hasn't called back. Shit...."

"Wait, what?"

"He was supposed to tell you, Tony."

"Tell me what?"

"We went on a date. Yes, yes, it's true, don't freak out! We went out on Sunday and well it's been a few days and he hasn't called back so I'm just....."

"Carol, first of all, I'm incredibly pissed with the both of you for hiding this from me. FROM ME! Secondly, I'm going to go ask platypus myself about this."

"Oh God, Tones. Do you have to be this dramatic?"

"Why, yes!"

Tony tosses his head obliquely and crosses an arm over the other, in defense of his stance as Carol starts chuckling in unison with him.

"Speaking of, how's Steve?"

"Steve is.... well, he's Steve. What more do you want me to say?"

"Ah, well."

"Where's Brunhilde?"

"I don't know. She said she'd come today. Guess she got caught up."

"Oh.."

"Anyway, I'm gonna leave okay. See you around, shellhead."

"Later, spaceface."

Tony walks to the elevator and dings the button before getting in and clicking the button for the basement.  
He walks over to his car and throws his jacket onto the passenger seat, before getting in and locking the seatbelt in place.

Tony glances at his watch 

4:30 p.m.

He heaves a sigh and backs up the car, before bolting out of the basement and turning a right towards his house.

_______________________*_____________________

Steve wakes up, groggily as his brain pounds inside his skull.

He couldn't manage to get continuous sleep the whole night, waking up every half an hour or so before lying back down in an attempt to sleep, which lasted for almost 2 hours.

He tried hitting the gym, punching bag after bag and benchpressing as much as he could.

He tried taking a hot shower, thinking it'll help him drift off.

He tried watching a movie, but he found nothing of his interest.

He tried everything. EVERYTHING.

Now, Steve's just lying in bed, too lazy to move and too agitated to sleep.

He digs his palms into the balls of his eyes, trying to soothe the burn from lack of sleep when the doorbell rings.

Steve glances at the clock: 12:00

He wonders if it's Tony.   
Fear grips Steve with iron claws that dig into his spine, thinking of Tony and having to break the news to him.

He gets out of bed and pulls on a shirt before trudging over to the door and opening it, to reveal a poker-faced Natasha.

"Hey."

"Hey, Nat. Weren't you supposed to come at 8?"

"Sorry, I got caught up with some stuff."

"Oh."

She gives Steve a long look eyeing his puffy, baggy eyes and Steve can swear he saw her smirk.

"God damn, Steve. You look like shit."

"Good morning to you too Natasha."

She saunters over inside before placing the bag she brought on the dining table and glances a look at Steve, hand placed on her hip as she regards him with disdain.

"Go brush your teeth. I got us croissants."

Steve yawns and nods in response before heading off to the washroom.

A while later, Steve finds Natasha sprawled out on the couch, her legs on the table as she taps away at her phone.

Steve regards her with a petulant smile before taking a long hit of coffee and biting down on the croissant satisfyingly.

"Thanks, Nat."

"What the hell have you been doing with your life?"

"Wha-?"

"Sit down, Steve."

Nat barks out the order and Steve simply obeys sheepishly, setting down the croissant and the cup on the table, before swallowing thickly as Natasha watches his every move.

"Nat, what's going on?"

"Really, Steve. You're asking me that???"

"Nat, wha-"

"Cut the bullshit, Steve. I know what's going on with you and Bucky."

Steve's eyes open wide as he gawks at an angry Natasha, her hands crossed stiffly over her chest..... How obvious have the two of them been?

"Listen here, Steve. I don't know what the fuck is going on with you and Tony. I know it's been fucking two years since this crap started. And, I really hoped you were a better man than what you appeared."

"Natasha, lis-"

"Shut up. You said you wanted help. Here is me offering help."

Steve simply looks on at her as she lowers her legs onto the floor and rests her elbows over her knees.

"I never told you this but I worked for Stark while he was in California. I was his PA for a while when Pepper took over as CEO. And let me tell you this, he doesn't deserve whatever the two of you are doing to him."

Steve swallows at the new information, not willing to argue with Natasha. She'd rip him to shreds.

"When I was his PA, he was probably at the peak of his drinking. He'd be so drunk he wouldn't even come to meetings. Do you even know what he'd babble about whenever he was like that?  
He'd fucking babble about you. He'd rant to whoever was around him about how you're going to leave him because he's a fucking mess and that he doesn't deserve someone like you. Sometimes, when Pepper was around, he'd fucking break down and complain that he was ruining everything he built with you because he couldn't stop drinking. He gave it up for you, Steve and he went to therapy for you.   
When you guys had Peter, he was on top of the fucking moon and he promised that he would never ever drink again because he's got a family now. He's got responsibility to deal with."

Steve bites his cheek as he tries to process the info

"I don't know what's going on in your marital life. I don't know what Tony is like with you but seeing him like that could break anyone. And what's better is that he'd break because of you.   
I didn't even know about this affair until a few months. Honest to god, I never expected it. No word of it came out to the press and neither did you tell me. I fucking wanted to see how long you'd keep this garbage act up until you keened. But, I guess even you can act, Steve.  
I knew for a fact that the only reason you're staying together is for the kid. I fucking knew it. And now that he's off to college, well that burden is off your shoulders, isn't it?”

Steve hunches as he withdraws within himself, listening to Nat's words, laced with venom aplenty.

"I don't know whether you and Tony are unhappy or whatever it is but you don't have the right to play him like this. Not after twenty three years of marriage.  
If you're unhappy, break it off and live your own life and let him live his. Don't fucking play with his feelings because you're too chicken to confess to your fucking husband!  
And about Bucky, I don't know what the deal is between you two but I'm telling you this Steve, it's been a long time in coming.   
Fucking two years, you shameless hatchet! You've been living a lie for two years and playing with Tony like his feelings don't matter. Did you ever fucking love him, Steve? Huh?  
You know what, now that Peter is no longer an active part, you better confess to Tony and let him off the hook. Else, I swear to God I'll fucking break your kneecaps."

Natasha rises from the couch, swiftly and slams the door behind her as she leaves Steve to deal with his own fate.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading!
> 
> Unbeta'd work so please mention if any errors or discrepancies. 
> 
> Kudos and comments will be appreciated.


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tony confronts Steve.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I fucking did it. Oh God, this was a hell storm to finish and it ate me alive that I just wanted to get over with it ugh.
> 
> Angst filled warning. Don't hate me. 
> 
> P.S: this chapter is 3000 words long ;""""""(

The car whizzes to a halt in the basement, as the tires screech slightly because of the sudden brakes applied.

Tony just unclicks the seatbelt and leans back.

_Just get it over with, Tony._

_Go up there and give him a piece of your mind._

_Use your two years worth of anger._

As Tony just sits there, defeatedly, he stretches his legs and rolls his shoulders, like he's prepping to throw punches. He slumps back in his seat and shuts his eyes when, much to his own surprise, he finds out he's chuckling quietly and rather involuntarily.

_Two years worth of self-deprecating rage where I thought I'm the problem._

The twenty years flash by him, right from the start.

When he fucking first saw Steve goo-goo eyeing him at that speech, Tony took one glance and fell for him like a bag of bricks. Because that's Tony, right? He gets attached too fast and so intensely that it always comes back to bite him in the ass.   
It was the case as long as Tony knew himself, ever since he began to grasp the concept of people and relationships, only to realise that machines were more predictable. More reliable.

His machines wouldn't hurt him.

The bots, he built back at home wouldn't hurt him.

It was only people who _constantly_ hurt Tony Stark.

People who stepped on him, people who used him for whatever they saw fit and then tossed him aside, people who demeaned him to the point of crushing whatever pint of self-confidence he had, people who kept prying into his life like they had the right to....

_It was always people._

_And one of the very few people he trusted with his life also let him down._

Broke him. Stepped on him and his feelings like he was a bug.

The world only sees Tony Stark as an arrogant, vain CEO who's probably got a stone in place of his heart, or worse, just a void.

And that's what he's showed them. _That's what he'll always show them._

The world and all it's institutions are flawed, which Tony accepts, graciously, knowing that for many years he too was an active part of that flawed system and that he himself has flaws.

_What he never imagined was that he would be so brutally punished for it._

For the magnitude of two whole years. And give or take a few months.

Tony can't seem to cry anymore as he feels like his ducts have shut down forever.

He's cried enough for the past two years, every night, into his pillow, trying to convince himself that Steve loved him. 

_Trying so hard to convince himself that the love of his life gave him that same affection and that same adoration since the moment Tony set eyes on him at the expo._

_Trying so hard to convince himself that Steve would never cheat him, never hurt him, never toss him aside like he was worthless_

_Trying to set his mind right that Steve is not off doing what Tony feared ever since he gave up drinking._

Tony has just kept trying, persistently, to save whatever was left of his marriage.   
He always feared that Steve would one day fall out of love with him, recognizing Tony as useless as he always felt. 

It used to eat him alive, but Steve always reassured him that he would never do such a thing and that he vowed to love and cherish Tony fiercely till the end of his days.

Steve would always coddle Tony with kisses or hugs whenever he felt like this or he would plop Tony down in his lap, as he ran his big, beautiful hands all over Tony's body, licking into him so seductively it would send fireballs shooting through Tony's spine.   
He would come down to his lab and lift him off the chair and hold him with such firm tenderness as he took him back upstairs.   
Or he would hold Tony's hand so tightly whenever they were out, because Steve was always uncomfortable with the press as they made him so nervous.  
He would put Peter on his shoulders and clasp his legs so tenderly, as the infant played with his blonde locks.  
He would play with Peter as much as he could, whenever he got time until the two of them passed out wherever they were, with Pete curled into Steve's arms or lying on him so sweetly that it would melt Tony's poor heart into a puddle.  
Or he would drag Tony and Pete into a bear hug, telling them how much he loves them, kissing the two of them with so much ferocity, that one would think they came back from the dead.  
He would be such a good father to Peter, chatting and laughing with their son, that Tony forgot his own woes with Steve as he gazed at them and felt a whirlwind of familial contentment settle into him, knowing that at least their child was not affected.

_Only for it all to be such a blatant lie._

_For all of it to end in such cruel heartbreak._

A wave of fatigue crashes into Tony. He's been dealing with these conflicting feelings forever and recently, they've reached their peak for the past three days and each time, he's left either horribly broken or breaking down or terribly scared.

_How the hell am I going to do this?_

Tony had fooled himself long enough. He lived and breathed this illusion of happiness for far too long and now, he's going to break out of it. For once in this marriage, Tony was finally going to do what was right by him and what was right for him.

He storms out of the car and slams the door, without unlocking it before getting into the elevator and riding it till the floor of the house.

_He's going to find Steve and fucking choke the life out of him._

_Or better yet, just stab him with whatever he can find._

Rage boils over in Tony and he doesn't know what he's gonna do if he _sees_ -

The elevator dings and Tony storms over to the door and throws it open, to reveal an empty living room.

His eyes dart to either ends of the space in front of him so that he can find that loser and shove a pencil in his eye or worse.

Tony strides right in and heads for the kitchen, turning on the coffee machine to brew his nectar.

After a while, the machine dings and Tony pours himself a full, enriching mug. Steam rises from it in copious amounts, twirling and twisting within themselves before disappearing into the air.

He grabs it and sets it down on the table before pulling the chair back and plopping himself in it.

He decides to wait.

He doesn't care how long it takes, he's going to wait till eternity to confront this bastard and get it over with.  
He wants his closure and he craves his fucking freedom from this lie. So he decides to wait.

He's waited for almost two and a half years, what is one or two more days?

He begrudgingly takes a sip of the piping hot decoction, ignoring the burn of it on his tongue and down his throat, as he glares out into the orange hue of the evening sky, through the balcony window.

_He's going to wait one last time._

—

Tony doesn't have to wait long as he hears the door of his bedroom click and hears the slap of footsteps from behind him.

A vicious part of Tony expects to hear another set of footsteps, having taking advantage in lieu of his temporary absence.

To his surprising satisfaction, he doesn't.

The footsteps gets closer until Tony hears that disgusting, dreadful voice which once upon a time, set fire to his skin.

_Now it's just setting fire to his soul._

"Hey, Tony. When did you come?"

Tony turns around to look at him, towering above him as he stands there, shirtless, rubbing a towel through his long blonde hair as another lies precariously on his waist, disclosing what he's seen already.

_Me and God knows how many other bitches have seen this._

Tony's eyes scan Steve's luscious golden skin, right from the tendrils of his neck to the perfect V of his hips, draped over cakes of beefy muscle, which Tony's accustomed to kneading and grabbing.   
Steve's build always impressed him, right from the start but now he wants nothing more than to butcher all that beef with a cleaver.

"Tony-"

Tony's eyes dart towards Steve's amused baby blues which are peering at him with light interest.

He gives no answer to the call and just stares at the surprised face looking down at him.

"I just did."

"Oh, okay. How's Rhodey?"

"Sit down, Steve."

"Tony, look at me."

"I will if you fucking sit down."

Steve just huffs a sigh and drags out a chair, next to Tony and drops himself into it.

Tony swallows thickly as he tries to comprehend his next move.

"How's Rh-?"

"I know you're having an affair."

Tony's voice barks out at Steve, stunning the other man into silence as he just gawks at Tony, utterly flabbergasted.

"Wha-what? Tony, what the he-"

"Don't fucking lie to me, Steve. Don't you dare even fucking try lying to me now. You've lied enough for the past two fucking years. God, maybe even before that I don't fucking know."

Tony's voice cracks as he shuts up and draws a deep breath in and resumes with unsettling calm in his voice:

"You're gonna answer my question. I have just one question for you and I want you to give me an honest answer for once in your GODDAMN LIFE TO ME.  
Can you do that, Steven? Can you fucking do that much for me?"

The other man just nods before swallowing, as Tony sees his Adam's apple bob from under his chin, head tilted in defeat. 

"Have you been having an affair for the last two years?"

There's a long pause as Steve just sits there, hanging his head and scratching the table with his fingers.

"Answer me, Steven."

No response.

"Steven, please, please, just answer me. Just look at me and tell me if you're banging someone else or not. Please, Steve, just tell me."

Tony's imploring seems to set off something in Steve as he winces as if he's the one in pain.

Steve takes a while before he nods in response and hangs his head fully in defeat.

Tony slumps back against the chair, eyes open wide in shock as the little part of him that hoped this was all a lie is just nipped brutally within him.

They stay like that for a while, Steve not having the bone to look at Tony and Tony not having the courage to look anywhere else but at Steve.

"How long?"

"Tony, just listen.."

"Please tell me how long this has been happening."

Steve just sighs in defeat as he grumbles out.

"Two years."

"What?"

"Two years."

"So, for two years, you've been lying and sneaking and telling me and our son that you've got business meetings and urgent conferences when you've been banging your fucking army ex five blocks from the house?"

Steve's face snaps up to look at Tony's unstable one, his face thrumming with the weight of his emotion he's not bothering to hide. His brown orbs show such feral betrayal that Steve feels everything in him clench, as a new wave of anger rises in him.

"You wanna know how I found out? Huh? Is that what you're wondering?   
Here's the news, Cap. I was walking around the neighborhood when I saw you and that tramp motorboating each other through the window."

Steve grits his teeth as his face resumes a fake calm.

"You know what, Steve. For two years, two years, you made me manage the house alone. You made me manage our family alone. Do you even know that Peter used to wake up with terrible anxiety attacks in the middle of the night? Do you? Do you know anything about me and your son, who you promised to give the world, from the last two years? I used to calm him down and on God, it was the most frightening experience of my life seeing my kid shake and tremble with the same crap I used to go through all my life and having it replayed! And do you know what I used to think? I used to want you next to me, next to him because we were supposed to be there for him together. Isn't that what you told me, that we'd always be together? Huh?"

Tony just draws in a sharp breath before continuing.

"For two whole years, you gave into your vices and desires. Do you know who I could turn to Steve? Do you think I'd want to turn to it again, after everything I've gone through?"

"Tony, I-"

"Stop! Don't say my name! Don't even dare utter those syllables from your mouth. I fucking hate myself more every time I hear your voice addressing me. That's the last thing I need right now, to hate myself more."

"You know, I didn't want to believe it when I saw it. I couldn't fucking believe that this was the truth. This was why you barely saw me, barely stayed at home or even gave me attention because you were off getting your rocks on with someone else. I just hurled onto the ground and collapsed before I had to come home, running like a rabid dog and take my medication so that I don't pass out from my arrhythmia. Did you even notice that I took all my things and left? Did you even bother looking into anything? Honestly, Steve do you even care about us? Do you?"

"No... No, you don't. All you care about is what you wanted. Once upon a time, it might've been me. And you got it too. You didn't give a single shit about what I went through every night, fucking crying into my pillow when I needed you the most. I needed you. And you weren't there."

"I'm not angry that you cheated, I may sound terrible but you know what a pessimist I am. You know how terrible my own thoughts would get, you've fucking seen me at my worst. What I am angry is that you didn't even respect me enough to tell me that you don't want this anymore. You didn't even respect the history we had together to let me off the hook. You didn't even respect him enough to let him live his life openly, reducing him to nothing more than a dirty secret. You did what you wanted and you kept what you needed, not even letting any side waver."

"I fucking loved you. I loved you so much that I couldn't believe my luck that I ever landed someone like you. You were probably the only thing keeping me going at one point, do you even...? I.... Oh God."

Tony goes silent, choking up as he finally lets out his anguish in short sobs.

"How could you do this to me, Steve? How? Did you never ever think about me, not once? You said you'd love us forever, you said you'd never leave us, you said you'd never hurt us. You said you'd stand by us till "death do us part". Huh? Were we nothing to you? Were we just a lie to you? Is that all we were to you? Just a distraction from the loss of your old army buddy? Was I just a.... just some.... nothing?  
I spent so many days wondering where I went wrong for you to not even look at me properly, not even when we made love. I'd hate myself for it, hate myself so much that I fucking wanted a drink so bad. I craved that burn and that loss of cognition, so eagerly because I needed to take my mind off of you.... you, who'd always helped me take my mind off of everything. I just.... I...."

Tony cradles his head in his hand as he breaks down in earnest. Every sob and every tear feeling long overdue as they jolt through him, leaving him breathless and gasping in between outbursts of sobs.

All Steve can do is look on. He did this and he can't even help, not because he can't but because he did this to Tony. He's been doing this to Tony for so long that he just.....

"You know what, Steve? I'm done. I'm finally done. I cannot live this life anymore where I constantly feel like I need a drink or I need a noose to hang myself from. I can't.  
I took all my stuff, so there's nothing left for me to do here or even be here.   
Oh, the house is in your name by the way so I'll let it be that way. You do whatever you want with it, sell it, trash it, burn it I don't know.   
Or actually not. Our son did grow up here so let that at least be the remains of this place.  
I'm not going to fight for custody. I'm not doing that to Peter. I'm not going to force him to choose between us. As soon as he comes back for his semester break, we'll sort this out and figure something out ok?  
I'm going to go over to Rhodey's and I'll figure something out. I'll send the papers over in a week."

"You got something you want to say, Steve?"

"Tony, I still love you."

"Sure, yeah."

Tony gulps the rest of his coffee in one long gulp before setting the mug down, grabbing his keys from the table before he glances at Steve and slams the door on his way out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Done with the biggest part. It broke me and I started crying halfway through writing this. Yuck, I hate myself.
> 
> Further updates will be kind of scarce.
> 
> Thank you for reading!
> 
> Please leave kudos and comments if you liked it.


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A rather effed up situation.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi! I know it's been really long and I'm sorry for the hiatus. This fic kinda stressed me out because this shit physically hurt me lol (yea I'm obsessed with Stony and I can't bear to see them hurt)
> 
> Here's a new update. I'll bring in more characters soon hopefully.

As the door slams behind him, it's crack echoing through the hall, somewhat resonating with the white noise going on inside his head, Tony freezes. 

Oh God... Oh God, what have I done?

He just stands there, barely blinking or even moving as he slowly feels his breathing get more and more laboured and it feels like his lungs are burning with a raging vengeance, trying to consume him from the inside out. 

He leans against the wall fully, hands bound tightly against his sides, his fists clenched tightly and knuckles itching.

Deep breaths, Tony. Deep.... deep breaths.

It's been a few years since his last major panic attack which he had one night when Pete was still a baby. Probably a few months after they brought him home, Tony woke up from a terrible nightmare, sweating and panting and gasping for air, thinking he lost his baby boy.   
He remembers running to his baby's room with bated breath and wobbling legs, muttering some crap as he bolted, with Steve at his heels trying to make him see some sense, to see his baby sleeping soundly in his crib with one thumb in his mouth.  
Tony doesn't remember much afterwards except of what he was told. He cried so hard that he could not breathe. He supposedly babbled utter nonsense about someone taking his baby away from them as he hiccuped through his tears, which landed him collapsing into his husband's arms, passing out where he stood and then he was put to bed where he slept for almost fourteen hours. Or so it seemed.

Tony jolts out of his thoughts and feels the cold concrete at his back sucking all the heat from his body and slowly turning him into a damn corpse.  
He slides down the wall slowly and drops down absent-mindedly onto the floor, one move short of completely crumbling.  
His head is throbbing at his temples and his mid-line and he runs a hand through his hair to try and numb it out, settling to rub his temples in slow, soothing circles.

And then he just cries.

It's slow at first. Tears trickling down his face and chin, dropping onto the floor beneath his propped up legs and then it gets a little more intense, as his breath hitches and his heart clenches tightly in its cage, unable to take the pain anymore.  
And then it morphs into silent sobs followed by loud, choked wails as he cries into the crook of his arms, his lungs and vocal chords fighting untill he feels his throat go dry and his mouth slack.

I fucking did it. No. No, oh God. My God, what have I done?

Tony broke his home.

He broke his home with his own two hands.

He destroyed everything. Like how he always does.

He destroyed his parents' lives by existing.

He destroyed innocent lives for years as he just lost himself in drunken stupor.

He destroyed his relationship with Steve, countless times when he walked in drunk off his ass, not even remembering what happened.

He destroyed his home. 

Everything he touches is ruined and everyone who touches him also gets ruined.

That's why Steve doesn't want me.

That's why he'd rather be anywhere else than with me. Because all I do is ruin everything and make him feel miserable.

Howard was right. He was always right. Tony's always been a disappointment, full of shortcomings and failures. 

He'll never be worth anything.

He'll never be worth anyone.

And well, today stands testament to that.

He broke his home, his family, his marriage.... Everything. He fucking broke it all.

Why?

Because he was selfish.

Because he didn't care enough about Steve and Peter.

He always put his own needs before theirs, because an unsatisfied Tony Stark is a very unhappy Tony Stark. And Tony Stark doesn't like to be unhappy. 

Tony just cries. 

He can't do anything else because he feels so helpless.

So he just sits there and muffles his sobs and wails into the sleeves of his sweater, feeling utterly and truly helpless and...

Thud, pound, crash!

Tony peeks up.

THUD, POUND, CRASH!

Tony hearing this from the other side of the wall. His walls have been soundproof but this din is so GODDAMN loud that it's heard through a five foot thick wall.

He hears loud crashing and banging of glass and wood and whatnot.

Oh God.....

Tony springs to his feet and pushes the door open.

He's met with a flying vase, hurtling right towards him and it's impact stings right on his knee.

A cry escapes Tony's throat as he staggers to the ground, clutching said knee.

The fabric starts getting soggy in the patch where it hit but Tony doesn't pay much attention to it when he's met with the horrendous sight in front of him.

Steve stands at the edge of the living room, horrified. 

His eyes look bloodshot even from the appreciable distance between them and his face is dripping, with sweat, presumably. Tony sees his hands, clenched tightly and trembling at the side.

His body is soaked with perspiration and there are cuts and nicks, everywhere on his built frame but there's one particular large gash running across his stomach, diagonally. Blood oozes from it in tiny rivulets and Tony glances up at the piece of glass lodged right in Steve's sternum, jutting out menacingly.

It takes all of Tony's willpower not to throw up.

Tony swallows the bile crawling up again and manages to get to his feet.

"What the fuck is this?", he gestures to the room.

Tony's just met with silence and a frozen Steve Rogers, who's still quaking with horror of what he did.

Tony tries taking a step but his knee gives way and he settles for hobbling towards the big dumb figure standing and staring at him.

Tony catches hold of Steve's wrist and withdraws as soon as he feels the other man wince in pain.

Tony huffs a sigh and gestures Steve to follow him.

They enter the bedroom where Tony again motions for Steve to sit on the bed.

Steve complies and plops down quietly.

Tony just grabs the first aid box from the drawer next to the bed and places it on the floor next to him while he sizes up the cuts on Steve's body.

He clicks open the latches and grabs a big tuft of cotton and soaks it in spirit.

"This will sting a little. Please don't kick me."

No response.

Tony fiddles with the glass piece lodged right in the middle of Steve's chest. He manages to slowly yank it out before pressing the giant wet tuft to the spot and instructs Steve to hold it there for a while.

Steve just listens like a robot all the while staring at Tony's every single move like he can't believe what's happening.   
Tony can feel the stare boring craters into his being but consciously tries to ignore it, focusing on what's important at the moment.

Tony grabs a few more tufts and soaks them in more spirit, all the while telling Steve to apply pressure to the wound.

Thank God for Rhodey teaching him all these tricks in junior high.

Tony dabs the cotton at the nicks on Steve's legs, starting off with gentle taps before rubbing down on the wound with a little pressure. 

He works his way up Steve's limbs before he reaches the body, which seems to be where the cuts are the worst.

Tony dabs and rubs much more gently this time and even manages to patch up Steve's back, which fortunately has two or three cuts.

Tony grabs a giant tuft again and works through the gaping gash on Steve's stomach. It isn't very deep that it needs stitches but it definitely needs a bandage and dressing.

Tony meticulously cleans up the wound and applies a tube of ointment on the small cuts and bandaids to the slightly bigger ones, like the ones on Steve's back.

He wraps a big gauze pad across Steve's stomach after putting some antiseptic on the wound and a fat glob of ointment on it.

Tony grabs the suture needle and thread. 

Well fuck, when the fuck did I become a doctor?

He peels the cotton back and rubs it again with a fresh tuft of wet spirit and that's probably when Steve winces for the first time. 

Tony begins his ministrations with the needle.....

God, I hope I'm doing this shit right. 

He makes a cross with the needle across the wound as the thread drags the ends closer. 

And another.

And one more.

Two more. 

Aaaaaaand.... he's done.

Tony looks up at Steve and sees him staring at him, in part awe and part heartbreak. Those big bloody baby blues are glazed over and Tony tries so fucking hard not to look at that.

"Stay here."

As if he's going to strut out now like this.

Tony grimaces a bit and heads to the kitchen, to grab a glass of water and returns to see Steve hunched over, his bandaged hands bunched together in a fist.

Tony heads to Steve and holds the glass to his lips.

Steve looks up for a moment and then graciously accepts the offer and drinks as Tony pours down his throat slowly, encouraging him to take small gulps.

"What the fuck were you thinking, Steve?"

"I was not....."

Tony just huffs out a sigh and stifles a sniffle. Disgust crawls through him as he realizes he's here, patching up the man who fucking broke him to pieces. He hates himself so much right now.

"When did you get your last tetanus shot?"

"I don't know..."

"That was 4 years ago, Steve."

"Tony, I'm-"

"Listen, I'll just call Bruce. He's probably got the night shift today so he could help us out."

Before Steve could muster a reply, Tony cuts quick- "and these will probably heal quick but I don't know about that.", Tony gestures at Steve's bandaged sternum.

Steve looks at the wound before perking his eyes up at Tony and oh my god, Tony feels part disgust and part cute aggression. 

Ugh, I hate this.

Tony bolts out before Steve could say anything and hits up Bruce.

"Tony, hey... What's up?"

"Hey, Bruce. I need a favour..."

"Sure, what's going on?"

"So, Steve kind of got into a... situation. He crashed into the glass cabinet drunk off his ass and I think he needs a tetanus shot."

"Tony, wha-? How is he drinking around you?"

"It's fine. He was pretty hammered from last night. Corporate parties and that nonsense, you know."

"Still, Tony. It's not cool."

"It's all good, Bruce Bear. I've got that much self control now."

Tony feels like that's a lie and his parched throat proves it. He clears it before swallowing a bit to lubricate the dry walls and resume talking.

"That's good, Tony. Anyway, I'll leave in a few. My lunch break is almost here."

"Please, Bruce. The stubborn jackass will never take it if I don't force him to."

Tony realises his voice is laden with panic and flinches a little, feeling even more disgusted with himself at showing concern.

"I'll be there ASAP, Tony. Don't worry."

Tony hangs up and feels a wave of relief that he successfully manoeuvred Bruce. A pang of guilt roils in him about that though. Well, it's just an addition to the feelings already there.

There's glass everywhere. EVERYWHERE.

Tony heaves an exhausted sigh and looks at the fucking mess.

Steve's managed to trash all the ornamental china and glassware they owned. Even the fucking vase he tossed at him. Luckily, it didn't shatter but if Pepper found out that her gift was used as a launch missile, she'd rip Tony a new one.

Tony just rolls up his shirt sleeves and gets the broom and dustbox from the back of the kitchen.  
He manages to collect at least 94% of the shattered remains. The smaller bits he swipes with a piece of bread and tosses it in with the rest. Jarvis and Ana taught him a few tricks when he'd mess up when his parents weren't home. 

Almost an hour later, Tony manages to clean up the rubble and tosses the remains into a separate bag and throws it down the chute.  
He scans the hall again and luckily it looks salvaged enough for it to be presentable.

Tony plops down on the couch and leans his head back, exhausted when he hears muffled sobs coming from the wall behind him.

At first, Tony feels sympathetic.

Then it morphs into a horrifying rage.

And then he starts oscillating between the two.

Tony's distracted from his internal battle when the bell rings and he feels his face wet. He scrubs at the dampness, runs a hand through his hair and a finger over his eyebags.

When Tony opens the door, he just goes wide eyed, utterly in shock.

"Dad? DAD?!? Why do you look like you've seen a ghost?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> tWisT ahahah!!
> 
> Now I'm going to think a lot about how to continue this lel my brain is dead but I've got some tricks up my shleeeb.
> 
> Thank you for reading! 
> 
> Kudos and comments will be much appreciated


End file.
